Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The one that was really hard to write

OK... so I have been missing in the blogosphere for a while now... I know... Honestly, it is for a lot of reasons. Most of them you will read about in the post to follow. Parts of the last year I am not going to go into... Parts of them I will. Read at your own risk.

In the last year I have:
had a baby (by emergency c-section)
moved (x2)
lost a job
got another job
clint lost a job
got another job
changed churches (x3)

I counted my stress points... at 200 I should have been hospitalized according to the health text book. I stopped counting at 500.

We will start with Wynn. We are both so in love with that little girl. She is amazing. It kills me to be away from her while I am at work. I live for days I don't have to take her to the babysitter. (not that we don't like the babysitter, she is great, I just want that time.) Who knew you could love someone that much... I always thought I understood that before. I didn't. In the last year she has smiled, rolled over, talked, crawled, and is almost walking.

The first move... our apt flooded... for the fourth time. Wynn was three weeks old.

This one is tough... I won't go into all the details. There are lots of reasons I won't. I lost my job. Lost is the only way I can describe it... I wasn't fired... I didn't quit. I just somehow lost it. A job I had sacrificed for for 5 years. I went to work the day before my wedding. I worked 18 hours a day 9 months pregnant 6 days a week. I went to work the day I checked into the hospital before I had Wynn. They called me... I stopped by again on the way to the hospital. They called me again a day after I had Wynn. I let my job take over my priorities. That was wrong. I was wrong. Turns out, either it didn't matter... or maybe God knew I needed a change.

I got a new job. This one was tough too... I knew I wanted to be there... I knew that they wanted me (which meant a lot after all the other had happened), but Clint was still looking. I knew God had a place for him, but it was scary for me to take a job not knowing where his would be or what would happen. I was happy about the job, but scard that it might mean a sacrifice for him. He might have even had to get out of coaching for a year. I knew he needed to coach, but we needed a job for at least one of us. I took the job... I cried. I was happy, but still worried.

Clint and PCA parted ways. It has been better for us. There are still some people there I love very much. There are other things I won't get into. I am tired of it.

Clint went and interviewed and took a job at Sparta Academy in Evergreen. He is so much happier than he has been in 2 and a half years. I praise God for that. He called me after he took the job; I didn't care. He was happy. He already is doing great things there. It is good to see his excitement back. The commute to work everyday is worth that to me.

We moved to Greenville. It is our version of meeting in the middle. Nice city... kinda clint's home turf. That is both good and bad. We live in a house. It is nice to have a yard. It is not nice that the dishwasher is broken. I like having more space. I hate moving.

We have found a new church home. That has been good. Who knew we could go to a church of Christ where Clint was more connected than I am. Funny how God works.

The last few months God has really been working on my faith. I will be honest that it has been severly shaken the last several months. It is good to be healing.

These are the highlight/lowlights... or at least the big ones. I pray for a less stressful year. I am thankful for God and his continued care (even when I didn't see it)


Dana said...

I am praying that the past year will be the hardest of your entire life. If that's true, it can only go up from here.

I know how much of your heart and life and so many hours that you didn't get paid for that you put into that job and I know just because of the kind of person that you are, there are many lives that you touched that you won't even know about until we all meet in heaven. It's a shame that it is often Christians, people that we should be able to turn to for love and support, that hurt us the most. But, Christians are human and not always a great representation of Jesus.

I am so thankful that this situation brought you and I closer together and I'm so thankful that you are now in a great job with wonderful people that appreciate you and understand your value.

I am praying for your situation with Wynn. I know that you long to be with her during the day. I totally understand that. But, I know that she is in no way lacking for the best possible love and care. You can tell that by just looking at her. You are a wonderful mother. I'm so glad that God gave me your brother. I love you like you've been my sister since birth.

Kristy said...

I don't really know how to follow Dana's beautiful comment, but I am praying for you and I am proud of how you have handled yourself through this situation. It was good for my heart to catch up with you today. Your friendship is special to me. Here's to being on the flip side with a fresh start!

Lerra said...

I love you Jan. And I miss you! I took for granted the time we lived in Prattville together. I should have visited you more often, and now that's not as easy. But we DO work in the same city now, so let's do lunch!

Jay said...

I am with Dana, I hope that this last year was the worst one that you will ever have.

I hope that for myself too. :)

..and although our situations were TOTALLY different, somehow we both ended up in Greenville to start over from them. :) Must be something about that place.

If you get a free night, which I know is impossible with a little one and a full time job... you shoudl ride up the road to Luverne and check out The Chicken Shack... it has the best.food.ever. :)

I am glad to hear that you guys are getting settled in, I grew up in Luverne... not far from there, and have lots of fam in Greenville. You'll grow to love it, and I know Wynn will too.

Lynn Ellis said...

Like any mom, I wished that I could have gone through all of the tough things you went through last year for you. However, you will find out like all moms do that it doesn't work that way.

This may sound trite, but we DO all become stronger from the trials that we go through. Good always comes from bad even though sometimes it takes a while for all the junk to get out of the way so you can see it.

I know you. I raised you. You are easy to take advantage of because you love and trust so easily and completely. Sometimes that works in your favor (like with Clint,) and sometimes it works against you. You give a lot and expect a lot of yourself. It's a shame that everyone isn't that way. Some people take a lot and expect a lot of others, but have different standards for their own behavior.

I'm proud of you for who you are and what you stand for, and who you believe in.

I am thankful for you, for Clint and for Wynn.

You are a wonderful mom, just like I knew you would be.

I love you!


Shaunna said...

Oh, Jan, I miss you! I stumbled across your blog (b/c I've finally given in to the world of blogging, etc.) and I just said prayers for you, Clint, and beautiful Wynn. I enjoyed "catching up" with you; it's wonderful to feel like we get to spend time with you. I know God will answer prayers of healing and peace for you; you are so strong and you'll come through stronger than ever! I love you very much and will continually remember you as Romans 1:9-12 states, "I thank my God for you...I pray that the way may be opened for me to come to you; that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."